Daily Wisdom

August 30, 2005

Egeland: European Aid To America 'Stingy'

NEW YORK, NY -- Jan Egeland, the U.N. emergency relief coordinator and former head of the Norwegian Red Cross, did not single out any European country specifically when he remarked today that "We were more generous when we were less rich... And it is beyond me why we Europeans are so stingy, really... America needs our help now in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, and we Europeans have given less than 0.001% of our national GDPs to help them."

President George W. Bush said, "Let's face it... this is no tsunami. We're tough... we're Americans... we can handle it. America will deal with this catastrophe."

Nevertheless, the silence of wealthy European nations to assist America during her time of need is deafening. Not one message of condolence from Europe has been reported. Not one offer of assistance from Europe has been received.

"The U.S. doesn't need any help from us", said one European diplomat who wished to remain anonymous. "They're much richer than we are. In fact, those f***ing rednecks owe aid to us! They've been holding out on us! I don't feel sorry for those rich American b*****ds. Screw America!"

Kofi Annan could not be reached for comment, but aides suggest that he is happy that the Oil-For-Food scandal has been momentarily put on the back burner.

Back From Utah

DOWNTOWN, NJ -- Just got in last night from our trip to Utah. Had a good time. The weather was warm (90°F+ every day) but the humidity was low (unlike here in NJ... yuck!). When the pictures get developed I hope to share a few.

We visited Park City -- home of the 2002 Winter Olympics. It was at least 10°F cooler in the mountains than in Salt Lake Valley. Everything was lush and green (again unlike the valley). Lots of artsy type galleries and eateries. Very pleasant and picturesque.

We checked out the weekly Farmer's Market in Pioneer Park. Lots of organic fruits and vegetables, arts and crafts, some fun stuff for the kids, some hippie left-overs from the sixties, a booth for the Utah Green Party... you know what I mean, a decidedly Haight-Ashbury feel (minus the drugs).

While I do not share their beliefs, the Mormons were extremely gracious and very helpful. The wedding was held in "The Lion House" (so-named for the statue of a lion reclining over the front door). It is the former home of Brigham Young. The bride is a great-great-great grand daughter of Brigham Young himself (not sure exactly how many "greats"). Of course pictures were taken in the gardens surrounding the Temple. The Tabernacle (the round building where the choir sings) was closed for repairs -- it's being earthquake-proofed and re-roofed.

The father of the groom arranged for a cocktail party after the official reception (for the non-Mormons of course). It was the first cocktail party some of the Mormons had ever attended, and they of course restricted themselves to sparkling cider and soft drinks. Just glad they didn't treat us like infidel dogs.

I think everyone was impressed that seven of the groom's former high school buddies (all still single at age 23) flew in from all over the country to be there. One was proudly wearing a naval uniform.

Got there safe. Had good weather. Had fun. Got home safe. All the major ingredients required for a good trip. And I enjoyed reading your comments on my last three postings... Thanks. It's great to have friends like "youse guys".

August 25, 2005

Goin' To Utah

DOWNTOWN, NJ -- Hello "Viewers". Well, the Hawk is flying off to Utah for a wedding this weekend. God willing, I expect to be back in my perch high above the Looney Liberal Landscape early next week. I hope you enjoy reading these last three articles. Thanks for Viewing.

Looney Liberal of the Week: Dahlia Lithwick

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This week's award goes to Dahlia Lithwick for her article at Slate Magazine. Kathleen Parker did a great commentary piece on the implications of Dahlia's article HERE.

This Looney Liberal is an idiot because she had the audacity to write an article criticizing John Roberts for views he held when he was 17 years old... and does it with a straight face! Her idiocy is only confirmed when she goes on to criticize Roberts' often dry sense of humor, which comes off to her apparently as "smart-alecky".... yeah, and so? Does the Constitution prohibit judges with a wry sense of humor? Finally she obviously fails to understand (of all things) a lawyer joke... what an IDIOT!

Judge Roberts Under The Microscope

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Supreme Court nominee Judge John Roberts is being closely examined these days in preparation for the upcoming hearings by the Senate Judiciary Committee. He is under the microscope... literally. Senators Charles Schumer (D-NY) and Russ Feingold (D-WI) wrote a letter to Roberts yesterday, requesting him to submit samples of his blood, urine and DNA for testing to determine if he is qualified for the position of Supreme Court justice.

Senate Democrats have already analyzed a sample of Roberts' hair (which they claim to have obtained legally) and are now alleging that Roberts has split ends, and may have at one time had head lice. "We need to get to the bottom of this", said Schumer. "These findings represent serious character flaws and potential personal hygiene issues that must be investigated further".

White House spokesman Steve Schmidt said in response to the allegations that "the opponents of Judge Roberts are simply 'splitting hairs' and 'nit-picking'..."

August 23, 2005

Good News From Iraq

IRAQ -- Aside from the fact that apparently a constitution may soon be forthcoming from the Iraqi Constituional Assembly, there is plenty of other good news coming from Iraq. Unfortunately, you won't read about it in the MSM (but why?). You have to go to the U.S. Dept. of Defense website HERE.

Children in a village of Tamim province received school supplies, clothing and toys from the Nahrain Foundation, a nongovernmental organization that focuses on providing proper nutrition, decent clothing and medical supplies to Iraqi women and children. The foundation received its supplies as part of a joint effort between American donations and a coalition forces-run program known as "Operation Provide School Supplies," which accepts donations from private citizens and corporations in the United States.

More than 600 children will return to renovated or rebuilt schools in Maysan province when school starts this fall. This week, renovation on the Al-Eethnar Mud School was completed, and the Al Eethar Mud School was replaced at a cost of $87,000, benefiting 500 students who attend classes there.

Eight newly built schools in Wassit and Babil provinces are receiving new furniture before the start of the school year. Each of the school projects will receive office desks and chairs, file cabinets and new student desks. Collectively, 400 three-student desks will be proportionally divided among the schools, based upon the number of students.

More reconstruction projects in Sadr City started this week, including a $13 million electrical distribution project. When the project is complete, an estimated 128,000 more people will have a reliable source of electricity. The project includes installation of power lines, 3,040 power poles, 80 transformers, 2,400 street lights, and power connections to individual homes, complete with meters.

Construction started on the $3.8 million Al Rayash Electricity Substation project in the Al Daur district of Salah Ad Din province, located between Tikrit and Bayji. The project, expected to be complete in early December, will provide reliable service to 50,000 Iraqi homes and small businesses. An electric distribution and street lighting project in Daquq was completed on Aug. 17, providing new overhead distribution lines and street lighting in the community.

About 2 million people will benefit from the Baghdad trunk sewer line, which was completed this week. Workers cleaned and repaired the Baghdad trunk sewer line and its associated manholes and pumping stations. The $17.48 million project restored principal sewage collection elements in the Adhamiya, Sadr City and Nissan districts of Baghdad, and will provide for the intended sewer flows to the Rustamiya wastewater treatment plant.

Construction is complete on phase one of the $865,000 Basrah courthouse project. This five-phase project is expected to be complete in October. The main courthouse, expected to hold a number of high profile trials, continues to operate during construction. Iraqi subcontractors are working on the project, and employing an average of 70 local Iraqi workers daily.

Iraqi security forces benefited from reconstruction projects this week as well. A patrol station in the Karkh district of Baghdad province was completed, as was a $390,300 border-post project on the Saudi Arabian border. A division headquarters building for the Iraqi Army in Salah Ad Din province was also completed this week. The $7 million project includes a single-story building with a concrete roof and interior office space to accommodate the unit. Additionally, a $2 million firing range in Taji was completed this week.

To accommodate additional detainees, a new prison project was started in Khan Bani Saad, a mountainous municipality in the Baquba district of Diyala province. The $75 million project will house up to 3,600 inmates. The site is about 550,000 square meters, which includes an educational center, medical facilities and administration buildings. The project will employ about 1,000 Iraqi workers during construction.

In another move that officials said highlights the increasing turnover of security responsibilities to Iraqi forces, generals from Iraqi and coalition forces joined local tribal leaders at a ceremony where Forward Operating Base Dagger in Tikrit, one of Saddam Hussein's former palaces, was officially handed over to the 4th Iraqi Army Division this week.

Iraqi security forces continued training this week. In Taji, Iraqi soldiers completed a Strategic Infrastructure Battalion "train-the-trainer" course. The 90 graduates will go on to serve as instructors at an Iraqi Army training base. A class of future Iraqi army noncommissioned officers graduated from their primary leadership development course on Aug. 15 in Tikrit. Iraqi army unit training also included combat lifesaving, staff training, computer skills and weapons training.

The 1st Iraqi Army Brigade implemented Iraq's first noncommissioned officers academy this week. Iraqi soldiers from the most recent class were the last group to be instructed by the U.S. soldiers who had developed the training. During Saddam's regime, an NCO corps did not exist in the Iraqi army. The class will now be taught by NCOs from the 1st Iraqi Army Brigade, who assisted earlier courses.

Baghdad police continued to demonstrate their capabilities this week. Iraqi Police Service officers in the New Baghdad district conducted a variety of operations, including raids involving over 450 officers. Police confiscated 30 AK-47 rifles, two hand guns and a machine gun during the raids.

They also arrested 30 suspected terrorists, three of whom were targeted in the raids. In addition, police at the Al Khanssa Police Station in Baghdad captured a kidnapper involved in the abduction of a local physician, whose family paid a ransom to have the victim released. Following the arrest, police officers recovered the doctor's vehicle as well as the ransom money paid by his family.

Iraqi soldiers found a weapons cache under a vehicle in Rawah this week. The cache contained two light machine guns and 3,000 rounds of ammunition, nine AK-47 rifles and 500 rounds of ammunition, a NATO machine gun and 200 rounds of ammunition, four concussion grenades, one fragmentary grenade without fuses, and various other ammunition.

Based on two separate tips from Iraqis, coalition forces discovered weapons caches that contained rocket-propelled grenades and two launchers, 16 mortar rounds and a launcher, and five boxes of anti-aircraft ammunition hidden in northwest Baghdad.

Another tip led coalition forces to a large cache of artillery shells in the early hours of Aug. 16. The shells apparently were intended for use as improvised explosive devices. The 25 to 30 individual rounds, located inside a building within Anbar province, were destroyed after security forces confirmed there was no one in the building.

After a local Iraqi identified his neighbors as insurgents, Iraqi soldiers and coalition forces conducted a joint cordon-and-search operation in northwest Fallujah and detained two suspects.
Iraqi security forces killed terrorist Abu Zubair, also known as Mohammed Salah Sultan, in an ambush in the northern city of Mosul this week. Zubair, who was wearing a suicide vest when he was killed, was a known member of al Qaeda in Iraq and a lieutenant in Jordanian terrorist Abu Musab Zarqawi's terrorist operations in Mosul. He was being sought for his involvement in a July suicide bombing attack of a police station in Mosul that killed five Iraqi police officers. He also was suspected of resourcing and facilitating suicide bomber attacks against the coalition, Iraqi security forces and Iraqi citizens throughout the country.

August 21, 2005

FOX Has No Effect On Neo-Con Trend

USA -- The results of a recent study found that FOX News has had no influence on the growing trend toward Conservatism in the United States. Rupert Murdoch’s FOX News Channel, which began operations in 1996, has a political perspective that is clearly to the right of most other media outlets. So a study was conducted by two economists – Stella Doro Viagra of the University of Cal-Berkeley and Ethanol Klaphander of the Institute for Any-Grant-Available Studies at Stockholm University - to find out if FOX News has contributed to this trend. Paid for by a consortium of Left Wing organizations who desperately fear FOX News and despise its overwhelming popularity, the study revealed some interesting facts.

The study examined whether the introduction of FOX in a community influenced residents to vote for George W. Bush over Al Gore in the 2000 election, as compared with how many voted for Bob Dole over Bill Clinton in 1996. The study found that towns that offered FOX before the year 2000 increased their vote share for the Republican presidential candidate by 6 percentage points, going from 48% to 54%. But amazingly, those towns that did NOT offer FOX actually saw a slightly larger increase of 7 percentage points, from 47% to 54%.

"The conclusion we must draw from this", said Viagra, "is that despite the concerns of many in the Democratic Liberal camp, FOX News has had little or no effect at converting people into Conservative Republicans". Klaphander added, "That's correct. Lib Dems can relax. Our study clearly shows that the number of Conservative Republicans in the U.S. increased by 6% to 7% without the help of FOX News."

The REAL Casey Sheehan

SATIRE MODE OFF -- In stark contrast to all the hype that the MSM has been spewing about Cindy "Crawford" Sheehan, Anne Morse has written a short but evocative article about the real Spc. Casey Sheehan. According to other family members and friends, he was devoted to God, to country, to duty, and to service. His mother makes a total mockery of everything he stood for. You can find the Anne Morse article HERE.

August 19, 2005

Looney Liberal of the Week: Sheehan

CRAWFORD, TX -- This week's award goes to Cindy "Crawford" Sheehan, 48, of Vacaville, California. Cindy is the mother of fallen U.S. soldier Spc. Casey Austin Sheehan, killed in Iraq. She has been holding a peace vigil near President Bush's ranch in Crawford, Texas demanding that the President see her. She has become an overnight celebrity among other Looney Liberals and even has her own website HERE.

While most Americans would acknowledge her grief over the loss of a son, that is about the only thing Americans seem to agree on when it comes to Cindy Sheehan. Those on the Left are treating her like a hero, while using her as a pawn in their on-going struggle against the Bush administration and Conservative values. Those on the Right say that she has dishonored herself, her son, the military, the President, and the United States.

First reported in such important publications as Sacred Cow Burgers, Scrappleface, and Kajun News, Sheehan is revealed as a "two-faced, anti-American Leftist tool" who is trying to relive her hippie youth of the 'Sixties by holding an "impromptu Woodstock reunion", and who looks amazingly like Johnny F. Kerry's Cousin -- a fugitive that escaped from the State Mental Hospital in Vacaville, California.

Frankly, only a Looney Liberal Idiot would demand that the President of the United States come out and meet her amidst an ocean of reporters and photographers so that she can give him a lecture.

August 17, 2005

Leahy: Radical Roberts Has 'Wayback' Machine

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) today labeled Supreme Court nominee John G. Roberts an "eager and aggressive... radical" who is even more dangerous because he now owns a 'Wayback' machine. According to Leahy, Roberts' views are "among the most radical being offered... intent on reversing decades of policies on civil rights, voting rights, women's rights, privacy and access to justice."

If it is true that nominee Roberts does indeed have a 'Wayback' machine, then it would be possible for him to alter political history forever... literally. He could simply go back in time, infiltrate the Supreme Court and reverse dozens of decisions. Liberals fear his mere presence in the past because of his vastly superior and persuasive intellect. "He must be stopped at all costs", said Leahy.

Exactly how Roberts obtained a 'Wayback' machine is still unclear. When last seen, the machine was still in the possession of Mr. Peabody and his boy Sherman. DNC insiders theorize that the "Radical Roberts" snuck into Mr. Peabody's den and stole the device between episodes of "The Rocky & Bullwinkle" show.

Neither Peabody nor Sherman could be reached for comment.

Archive Photo of Wayback Machine

August 14, 2005

Looney Liberal of the Week: Dean

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- And now, by popular demand (thanks Marge), a new series for your entertainment. After I published "The Top 10 Looney Liberal Idiots" back on August 6th, it soon became apparent that there were a lot more LL Idiots out there that qualified to be in the Top Ten. How's that you ask? How can you have more than 10 in the Top Ten? Well, it's simple really... they're all tied for first and second place. They continue trying to outdo one another in Looniness, Liberality and Idiocy.

And this week the winner is... Howard Dean. This week Dean revealed just how Looney a Liberal can be with his not so subtle remarks against Iowa and New Hampshire. First reported by "View From Above" on August 10th in the article "Dean: Sour Grapes?", Dean shows you can cut off your nose to spite your face. That's right Howie (did I just say Howie?), go out there and alienate some Democrats!

Al-Qaeda Up To Something

SATIRE MODE OFF -- An article at Debka.com suggests that there is heightened "chatter" or electronic traffic "mostly in code" similar to the increase in traffic in the days leading up to the 9/11 attacks. Experts say attacks are planned specifically for New York, Chicago and Los Angeles. An FBI terrorism task force in Los Angeles issued a warning on Wednesday, August 10th that Al-Qaeda plans "to employ various types of fuel trucks as vehicle-borne improvised explosive devices in an effort to cause mass casualties in the US prior to the 19th of September.”

The Homeland Security threat level is expected to rise to Orange or High Risk as we approach the anniversary of the September 11, 2001 attacks.

August 13, 2005

The Republican Record on Civil Rights

A special Thank You to "Hooey" (formerly known as "Howie") for pointing us to a great blogsite called "Stop The Republicans". This blogsite outlines the Civil Rights record of Republicans from the foundation of the party in 1854. It's a fascinating read. The short, dated comments come in a rapid-fire, staccato succession that keeps the reader mesmerized (especially Republican readers).

While reading this outline, one begins to conclude very early in the presentation that somehow Republicans have been misrepresented as racial bigots. One is further inclined to speculate as to how the Democrats have come by such a large proportion of African-Americans among their base. After I began reading the outline, I naturally assumed that at some point, there would be a noticeable gap in the history between the Civil War era and modern day events. How else could Republicans have fallen into such disrepute with African-Americans?

But NO. There is no such gap to be found. In every decade from the 1850's to the present, Republicans were working to improve the Civil Rights of African-Americans, women, and more recently Hispanics. And amazingly, more often than not they were fighting obstructionist Democrats.

Click HERE for a great read....

Kerry: Wealth Will Hurt Hispanics

Kerry And A Hispanic Friend

WASHINGTON, D.C.-- Senator John F. Kerry (D-MA) today delivered the Democratic response to President Bush's weekly radio address and, speaking in Spanish, told Hispanics that the President's plans to increase their retirement income through the use of personal investment accounts would "hurt" them. Kerry said that Hispanics are an important part of the Democratic Party base, and that they should avoid any opportunity to earn more money, especially for retirement.

An associate of Kerry who wished to remain anonymous put it like this. "Kerry knows that it is typically older Americans who donate to political causes, because they have more disposable income. If Hispanics get more disposable income, then they are not likely to be poor... and not likely to be Democrats. Comprende?"

"Democratic Americans are POOR Americans", said Kerry. "I know it. You know it... and I'm proud to be your GRINGO pal. Sure, I have a home in the prestigious neighborhood of Beacon Hill, Boston, Massachusetts. But don't forget, I mortgaged that house. I took on debt to become just a little bit poorer so I could identify better with you... my poor wetback friends".

Kerry went on to say, "Don't trust that Amigo in the White House. His plan is purely voluntary... and we know you'd rather be told what to do, right? His plan allows you to keep some of your own money... and we know you can't be trusted with a responsibility like that, eh? Trust ME. Stay dumb. Stay poor. Stay Democrat."

No Hispanics that actually listened to Kerry's address could be reached for comment.

August 12, 2005

Howie: True Confessions

"View From Above" has learned that satire can be closer to the truth than you might think. In our posting dated Saturday, August 06, 2005 entitled "Top 10 Loony Liberal Idiots", Left-Wing Loony Liberal blogger "Howie" was lampooned as the "Looniest Liberal Left-Wing idiot of the bunch". In his poignantly astute observations, Hawkeye® suggested that "Howie has raised suspicions that he is really a conservative who brings the term "satire" to a whole new level." Well, the rest is history....

Relax. There is nothing wrong with your computer! Nor has this site been hacked. It's simply time to put this baby to bed. It's been a fun trip, but after 10,000 hits it's time to move on to other things.

That's right. In case anyone is still wondering, this is satire! (You nailed it, Hawkeye!) I am not a 21 year-old, dope-smoking, spellingly challenged, shallow, left-wing looney, Ivy League legacy brat. No, I'm a 45-year old father of two great daughters who has been a conservative since high school - before I could even vote! I'm a product of the Catholic School System where I received a conservative education. Thank God I wasn't subjected to public school. (Josh Fahrni, your parents are so right to home-school you!) I never tried weed, even non-inhaling. Oh, and yes I can spell!

Why start this blog? Well, back in 2004, I was surfing the net, reading various blogs. Running across some lefty blog, DU I think it was, I decided to have a little fun. I came up with this blithering blather about passive survival and how we need to talk to Usama binLaden and building a mosque at Ground Zero. I wanted to see what reaction I got from the lefties. Only problem is, you have to register at DU and many other lefty sites. I didn't want to do that because I knew someone that did it and kept getting spammed. What to do? So finally I decided to post it on a conservative blog, ScrappleFace, and let everyone beat up the lib. I chose the name, «Howie», because it just sounded like a whiny, sanctimonious liberal weenie. (Apologies to any Howards or Howells out there!)

Howie soon became a created character with a personality. Howie is arrogant, whiny, a know-it-all; he's shallow. Howie's «knowledge» is all by rote. It's all surficial; he has his lefty views but he really hasn't a clue why. Howie doesn't believe, he «feels». When challenged on his views he doesn't defend them, he falls back on, «Presemt a neocon wiht the facts abd the tuth and recieve an ad-nominem pesonal attack in returm». His spelling is right out of public school. Oh, and Howie uses these irritating «European» quotation marks.

After the 2004 election, I decided that Howie needs a blog of his own. I looked at Typepad, but they charge; Howie was not that important to become another bill for me to pay. Finally, this past spring, I discovered Blogger and, after being urged by dean04prez to"totaly start a blog of you're own", I started this blog.

Building upon Howie's arrogance, I started comment-spamming blogs on both the right and the left. You know, "Nice blog..." This got me traffic. I got conservatives who were angry at this lib brat spamming their site; I got libs, many of whom were totally supportive of Howie's views, no matter how extreme. And I deliberately pushed the envelope on that, too. Some of the libs seemed like sincere people who just had the wrong views; nonetheless they were sincere. Others were the type where you just want to take a shower after visiting their site. I found a veritable ocean of great conservative blogs. Camojack, Josh, Beerme, many others. (
See sideboard.) Sorry about the stupid comments, guys.

The puppet face. About that. There's a reason. That puppet was called Dorshock and it was on The Sandy Becker Show, a New York kids' show from the 50s and 60s that I used to watch. Dorshock's entire vocabulary was, "blah, blah, blah, blah." Suits Howie doesn't it.

So, time to put Howie away. I haven't decided whether to stay on as a conservative blog, or to shut down, but it's been fun, especially reading the great responses to Howie everyone has posted!

A big thank you goes out to the great Scott Ott of ScrappleFace and Professym Lawrence "Liberal Larry" Chomstein of BlameBush for inspiration for this project.

Thanks Howie for the hat-tip, and best of luck in your next adventure.

August 11, 2005

Study: Men Don't Hear Women Well

LONDON, UK -- A new scientific study has revealed what women have surmised for years; that is, that men just don't listen. According to the study, men are just a bit denser than their female counterparts. "I knew it. I knew it," said one suburban housewife. "My hubby just never listens. He forgets what I tell him. He gets everything confused.... I always thought he was just a bit daft".

The study, performed by researchers at Sheffield University in northern England, connected electrodes to a "sizable group" of football (i.e., soccer) enthusiasts as they watched "the telly". According to the brainwave patterns, all of the men in the study group had "difficulties listening to women's voices" while watching football.

In a similar experiment, the researchers examined brainwave patterns of men who were "channel surfing". The results were the same. Men who take control of the "remote" are most likely to have difficulty listening to a woman's voice.

A spokesman for Sheffield University deflected tough questions from reporters regarding both the cost of the study and its source of funding.

August 10, 2005

Dean: Sour Grapes?

CONCORD, NH -- In a rare moment of obvious vengeance, Howard Dean announced today that he "would get back at those two darned states" that killed his bid for the Presidency in 2004. He was referring of course, to Iowa and New Hampshire. Although Dean was a strong front-runner going into the Iowa causcuses and the New Hampshire primary, he lost both to John Kerry.

"When 2008 rolls around", said Dean, "things will be different. We're gonna shuffle the order of the primaries and caucuses so that those two (inaudible) states don't have the same kind of (inaudible) influence that they've had in the past... (inaudible)".

Voters from Iowa and New Hampshire applauded the announcement following the embarassing performance turned in by John Kerry in 2004.

August 06, 2005

Top 10 Loony Liberal Idiots

Inspired by "The Top 10 Conservative Idiots" at the Democratic Underground website, it seemed only logical to return the favor (as there is no shortage of Liberal idiots). So let's start the show...

Charlie Rangel
This is the smiling idiot from the 15th Congressional District of New York. A frequent speaker on various talk shows, he always seems to be smiling or laughing. That is, until you start a discussion about a topic that triggers Democratic talking-points. Then he turns into a shrill, raspy-voiced lunatic. After 5 minutes of ranting, you begin to think that his head is going to explode.

Hillary Clinton
Often called "Shrillary" or "Hillarious", this former First Lady of the United States is the only U.S. Senator to have her portrait in the White House. Having achieved fame solely as the wife of a former President, this carpet-bagger conned the people of New York State into electing her to office. She is shrewd, a liar, and down-right mean. In 2008, she wants to follow in the footsteps of other losers who ran for the presidency as Democrats.

Chuck Schumer
This guy is another Liberal idiot. As the other U.S. Senator from New York, Schumer is a headstrong guy. He is unafraid to steal patents from drug companies and give them to generic manufacturers. He is an obstructionist. He was overheard saying that he would start "a war" against ANY nominee President Bush put forward for Supreme Court justice. According to Orrin Hatch (R-UT), he asks "dumbass questions" at judicial hearings.

Dick Durbin
This idiotic Senator (D-IL) compared our troops at Guantanamo Bay Cuba to the likes of Nazis, Stalinist thugs, and the murderous Pol Pot regime. He has a hard time apologizing for his stupid statements. This idiot single-handedly struck a blow at the morale of our military, and provided anti-American propaganda to Al-Jazeera during a time of war, all at the same time. This clown ought to be shot for treason.

Nancy Pelosi
This woman has to be one of the most irritating people on the planet. Congresswoman Pelosi (D-CA) is the House Minority Leader. She rarely blinks, and her face looks like it is made of high-tensile strength steel. This is a woman who said regarding the U.S. Supreme Court decision of Kelo v. New London (concerning eminent domain), that to disagree with the decision is a "violation of the respect for separation of church -- powers in our Constitution, church and state as well." She went on to say that a Supreme Court decision "is almost as if God has spoken."

Harry Reid
Senator Harry Reid (D-NV) is the Senate Minority Leader. He is a legend in his own mind. He was catapulted into the spotlight from under some obscure rock in Nevada to become only the second most irritating person on the planet after Nancy Pelosi. He had the audacity to call President Bush a loser (while Bush was out of the country no less). As if this guy was so great. Under his tenure as Minority Leader, he has been an obstructionist, accomplished nothing, and threatened to shut down the government.

Ted Kennedy
In 1969, this U.S. Senator (D-MA) was drunk and looking to have sex with a campaign worker, when he drove his car off a bridge and left his sex interest, Mary Jo Kopechne, to drown. A Roman Catholic, Kennedy betrayed his religious beliefs in the sanctity of life by suddenly changing his views to support abortion soon after Roe v. Wade became the law of the land. Having failed in a 1980 presidential bid, he is today noted for his prowess at alcoholic consumption, fiery diatribes (read from cards), and for his rotund dimensions.

John Kerry
The other U.S. Senator from Massachusetts is a Herman Munster stand-in. He is generally recognized for being able to adopt both sides of an argument, and has been nick-named "Flip-Flop" by his critics. Kerry lost the presidential election in 2004. Relying heavily on his service in Vietnam, he is one of a very few veterans to be completely rejected by his "band of brothers". An ad-hoc group known as the "Swift Boat Veterans For Truth" exposed what an idiot this guy really is. Kerry has never been brought to trial for treason resulting from his secret meetings with enemy Vietnamese leaders in Paris during a time of war.

Robert Byrd
U.S. Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV) is the only Congressman known to be a card-carrying member of the Ku Klux Klan. He is also the only Congressman known to use the word "nigger" in a televised interview. A Republican with such credentials would be the focus of vigorous attacks in the MSM. By comparison, Trent Lott (R-MS), former Senate Majority Leader, was forced to resign his post as Majority Leader for wishing Strom Thurmond (a former segregationist) a Happy 100th Birthday. It is unclear why this Byrd-brain is still in office.

This is the Looniest Liberal Left-Wing idiot of the bunch. With his own blog HERE, Howie proves that it is possible to get to Princeton University without being able to spell. With the worst picture on the internet, Howie has raised suspicions that he is really a conservative who brings the term "satire" to a whole new level. Howie has been known to irritate conservative bloggers everywhere, to the point that he has been banned from some sites. Hey kids, don't try this at home.

Poll: Bush Turning To Dark Side

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The results of a recent poll conducted by Ipso-Facto suggest that President George W. Bush is becoming more evil. According to the poll results, 60% of Americans feel that Bush is dishonest. The same poll was conducted last February and at that time only 40% of Americans felt that Bush was dishonest. "The obvious conclusion we must draw from these results", said an unnamed Ipso-Facto spokesman, "is that Bush is becoming more dishonest... he's turning to the Dark Side".

The poll of 10 adult Americans was conducted on August 1, 2005 between 2:00 P.M. and 3:00 P.M. by Ipso-Facto's main telephone operator -- Barbara. February's poll was conducted in a similar fashion. The most recent poll used at least 8 of the same 10 adults as the February poll, but added 2 more Liberals for good measure. The poll has a margin of error of 20%. The Ipso-Facto polling service is owned by a consortium of George Soros, the DNC, and the NAAMSM (National Association for the Advancement of the Mainstream Media).

In response to the poll numbers, President Bush said, "That's the great thing about this country... people are free to be idiots if they want to... heh, heh."

August 04, 2005

Diversity Must Die

SATIRE MODE OFF -- In the early 1900's, a vast wave of immigration broke upon the shores of the United States of America. It was not quite a "tsunami", which as the term would suggest, might have dealt a lethal blow to the existing populace. In fact, it was not even a tidal wave. Rather, it was more like a tidal surge. Something to be concerned about. Something to watch closely. Perhaps even, something to dread.

Why? Because a massive swell in the volume of foreign immigrants can have unforeseen consequences on the native population. But those consequences can be positive as well as negative. Immigrants bring exposure to new cultures, new foods, new ideas, new words, strange names, and ancient traditions. Such exposure is not to be feared... although it often has been.

In my own family, I am a third generation descendant of immigrants. My family is of Polish ancestry. My grandparents came to this country during that wave of immigration that washed ashore in the early 1900's. They settled in Chicago, Illinois which, as you may already know, is home to more Polish people than any other city in the world except Warsaw, Poland.

At one point, their presence was feared. Their home became a target for vegetables, stones and graffiti. They were viewed as different, strange and 'foreign'. But that only made them feel that it was more important for them to 'fit in'. My father and his siblings grew up with English as their first language and Polish as their second. They went to school, made friends, shined shoes, played in bands, and fought in WWII. They fought in North Africa, in Italy, and in southern France. They fought on the seas in a submarine. They fought in the Pacific on the Burma Road.

They joined the great 'Melting Pot' that is America. Yes, they had a heritage that was different from others. But their goal was assimilation. To be part of America. Not to be different... but to 'fit in'. Their goal was to find commonality, kinship, and brotherhood. They wanted to be as American as 'apple pie'. And they succeeded. They got their citizenship the old-fashioned way... they earned it.

Which brings me to my great concern. That is, that today we celebrate 'DIVERSITY' rather than assimilation. We glorify 'difference' rather than 'unity'. People are no longer expected to 'fit in'. They can be as different as they want to be.... and they are.

They come with different religions, different cultures, strange names and ancient traditions. But rather than strive to 'fit in', they remain content to be different. Our common American culture, our media, and our laws bring absolutely no pressure to bear on immigrants to join the 'melting pot'.

And so, if Muslim tradition suggests that all non-Muslims are infidels and dogs, worthy of death... I guess that's OK, in the name of 'diversity'. If Mexican illegals demand a drivers license, and a Social Security card, and welfare benefits... I guess that's OK, in the name of 'diversity'.

Today we're fighting the 'War On Terror'. It's another 'ism' just like fascism or communism... it's "Terror-ISM". So why don't we see today's immigrants volunteering for duty the way my family did during WWII? Is it because we just don't expect them to? A culture of low expectations yields low results. We expect nothing... and we are getting just what we expect.

We need to start expecting something from immigrants... like loyalty, like patriotism, like citizenship, like assimilation. They can be proud of their heritage, but they need to become AMERICANS. They need to blend in, to melt in, to fit in, to assimilate. We don't need diversity... we need UNITY!

August 03, 2005

Air America Changes Logo

NEW YORK, NY -- The unabashedly liberal Air America Radio announced today that it will change its logo. Following the scandal outlined in these important publications.... NY Sun, Scrappleface, and View From Above, Air America decided that it needed a fresh look. The new logo, to be launched within days, is shown below.

Old Logo

New Logo