Daily Wisdom

September 22, 2005

Kerry: Blame Bush for JetBlue Problems

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a manner reminiscent of Ghengis Khan, John F. Kerry today savagely attacked President George W. Bush for the problems experienced yesterday on JetBlue Flight 292. According to Kerry, the President has mismanaged the F.A.A. and has not spent enough time scrutinizing aircraft safety.

"For four and a half years, President Bush has spent far too much time on frivolous matters, and ignored this highly critical area of concern", said Kerry... Mr. Kerry then proceeded to tick off a list of the President's "trivial pursuits".

  • September 11, 2001
  • Launching the War on Terror
  • Freezing assets of terror-related organizations
  • Capturing al-Qaeda operatives in the U.S.
  • Creating a Dept. of Homeland Security
  • Freeing 30 million Afghanis
  • Freeing 26 million Iraqis
  • Rebuilding the Iraqi infrastructure
  • Assisting Afghanistan develop a constitution
  • Assisting Iraq develop a constitution
  • Capturing Saddam Hussein
  • Capturing or killing 75% of al-Qaeda leadership
  • No Child Left Behind
  • Prescription Drug Benefit
  • Tax Relief
  • Economic Recovery
  • Fighting AIDS in Africa
  • Getting judicial nominees approved
  • Getting U.N. ambassador approved
  • 2004 Hurricane Relief
  • Tsunami Relief
  • Hurricane Katrina Relief
  • "See what I mean", said Kerry, "Nothing nearly so important as this latest excuse for a Bush-bashing".

    September 21, 2005

    Flight Lands Safely: Clean-up Begins

    LOS ANGELES, CA -- JetBlue Flight 292 landed safely tonight at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) with 139 passengers and 6 crewmembers aboard. Originating at Burbank, California's Bob Hope Airport, a problem occurred with the landing gear shortly after takeoff at 3:17 PM, when the nose wheel failed to retract. The plane then circled back to the airport and performed a "fly-by" of the tower so tower personnel could get a good look at the gear, which had apparently twisted perpendicular to their normal position.

    By this time, only minutes after take-off, passengers were no doubt aware that there was a problem with the flight. For the next three hours the plane circled between Burbank and LAX burning off excess fuel and preparing for an emergency landing.

    Televised nationally, the landing actually went much smoother than some had feared. The tires on the nose gear blew out, and for a few short moments flames flared up along the runway... but the landing gear never collapsed. The passengers were safely removed and the emergency personnel got a break.

    An unnamed spokesman for JetBlue anticipates that the plane, an A320 Airbus, will
    soon be back in service. The nose gear can be replaced by early next week. Replacing the 139 slightly soiled seats will take a bit longer.

    September 20, 2005

    Milestone: 1,904 Soldiers Dead in Iraq

    BAGHDAD, Iraq -- The Liberal Mainstream Media wasted no time today reminding us that we have reached a new milestone in Iraq with the deaths of five more American soldiers, bringing the total killed to 1,904. You can almost hear them gleefully shouting... "Yippee! We passed the 1,900 mark!"

    So it's a sad day in more ways than one. First, it's sad because great Americans have died. Second, it's sad because some liberal idiots would gladly use the deaths of these American heroes as a political weapon to attack an administration that they desperately despise. They have no honor. They have no decency. They desecrate the flag. They desecrate patriotism. And they desecrate the memory of our fallen sons and daughters.

    Yes, after two and a half years of fighting in Iraq, we have lost 1,904 soldiers... American citizens... brave comabtants all in the War on Terror. And while we cannot diminish their sacrifice, we must remind ourselves that the official death toll from the attacks of September 11, 2001 was 2,986 people. To me, that was the first real day of the War on Terror. Prior to that, it was not a "war". Prior to that, we were only swatting at flies, and nothing more. So let us remind ourselves that on the first day of this war alone we suffered more fatalities on American soil than we have during the last two and a half years in Iraq.

    And we should also remind ourselves of something else. On December 7, 1941 at Pearl Harbor we lost 2,403 American servicemen and 68 civilians. From my way of thinking, that was the first real day of American involvement in World War II. When the war was over, there were nearly half a million Americans who died defending freedom and conquering dictators.

    And are we not today defending freedom and conquering dictators? Are the people of Iraq and Afghanistan less worthy of freedom and democracy than the people of France or Germany or Japan? Is this War on Terrorism less important than World War II? Will it take a WMD in an American city for people to wake up?

    We lost more American servicemen on the first day of World War II than we lost during two and half years in Iraq. We lost more civilians on the first day of this War on Terror than we lost during two and half years in Iraq. Some may think that 1,900 is a milestone, but I do not... I think that 26 million free Iraqis is a milestone. I think that 30 million free Afghanis is a milestone. I think that one deposed Iraqi dictator is a milestone. I think that one outlawed Taliban regime is a milestone. I think that free elections and a new constitution are a milestone.

    It is a sad day indeed, because the media in this country is so screwed up.

    September 19, 2005

    Nagin: We're Used to Filth

    NEW ORLEANS, LA -- Despite concerns expressed today by President Bush and FEMA, New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin outlined his plan to repopulate the city "one zip code at a time". According to Nagin, "a city without people has no need for a mayor... and I intend to be a 'wanted' man". He continued, "The longer people stay away, the more likely they are to figure out there's a better place to live. And not only that, but my bribes and kickbacks have been all but wiped out."

    Admiral Thad Allen, current head of the federal response effort to Hurricane Katrina, outlined a number of safety issues to the mayor and recommended a 'go-slow' approach. His list included, 1) no potable drinking water, 2) the potential for more flooding, 3) the lack of a credible evacuation plan for people who returned, and 4) the potential for disease from remaining flood waters and mosquitoes. "Besides that, the city is downright disgusting", commented Allen. "I can't believe anybody would want to go back in there at this time."

    Nagin responded by saying, "What's a little bit of dirt? We're used to living in filth. So what if it's a little more than usual?"

    Off-camera, Allen was seen smacking his forehead and saying "D'OH!"

    September 15, 2005

    Looney Liberal of the Week: Louis Farrakhan

    NEW ORLEANS, LA -- This week's award goes to Louis Farrakhan. This Nation of Islam leader is an idiot because he actually believes that the levees in New Orleans were purposely "blown up" in order to kill the city's black population.

    According to an article at NewsMax.com, the influential preacher was in Charlotte, North Carolina, on Monday, where he detailed his Hurricane Katrina conspiracy theory.

    "I heard from a very reliable source who saw a 25 foot deep crater under the levee breach," Farrakhan explained. "It may have been blown up to destroy the black part of town and keep the white part dry."

    Farrakhan didn't say who he thought was behind the plot to blow up New Orleans' levees. Neither was he willing to share who his "very reliable source" might be.


    [Editor's Note: The last part of this story was just plain silly and a bit crude.]

    I Pledge... To Be Conservative!

    Pictures From Utah

    SALT LAKE CITY, UT -- As promised, here are a few pics from our recent trip to Utah. Of course, you probably recognize the famous Mormon Temple. Less well known are the bride and the groom. I've also included a picture of young Miss Hawkeye® with two of her early "love interests" (groom on the right, former neighbor on the left).

    Home Again, Home Again

    DOWNTOWN, NJ -- Hello "Viewers". Just got back from a few days in Cape May, NJ. Nice to get away, but nice to be home again in my perch high above the looney, liberal landscape.

    September 11, 2005

    Today Is Patriot Day

    September 11, 2005 -- Today is "Patriot Day" in memory of those who lost their lives on 9/11/2001. We should each take a moment to remember that day, those events, those lives, and the men and women who today stand on the front lines in the War On Terrorism. God Bless them. God Bless us. God Bless the United States of America.

    September 10, 2005

    Looney Liberal of the Week: Kathleen Blanco

    BATON ROUGE, LA -- This week's award goes to Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco (D). This woman is an idiot because she had the gall to criticize President Bush and FEMA for a slow response to the Hurricane Katrina disaster, after having done everything in her power to prevent a quick response by FEMA, the Federal Government, the Red Cross and the Salvation Army.

    The Fox News Channel's Major Garrett has been investigating this story. Among other things, Garrett got confirmation from the head of the Red cross -- on national TV no less -- that the Louisiana State Department of Homeland Security (LDHS) blocked the delivery of relief supplies to the Superdome and the Convention Center. Furthermore, Garrett spoke to senior Salvation Army officials in Washington, D.C. who admitted that the Salvation Army's efforts at supplying the evacuees were also repeatedly blocked. (These two organizations provide relief under the coordination of FEMA). So who does the LA Dept. of Homeland Security report to? Why GOVERNOR KATHLEEN BLANCO, of course.

    Garrett also points out that FEMA was prevented from bringing the National Guard into Louisiana because it is not their jurisdiction. Who has to give FEMA jurisdiction? Why GOVERNOR KATHLEEN BLANCO, of course.

    Why did Blanco prevent the hungry and thirsty from receiving aid? Because LDHS wanted to get the evacuees out. They thought that the Red Cross and the Salvation Army would make the evacuees "too comfortable". Why did Blanco resist the federalization of the disaster? Because she has an over-inflated ego, and because she's an idiot.

    September 08, 2005

    Katrina - Diverting Attention From 9/11?

    September 8, 2005 -- With all of the attention being paid to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, are we forgetting the upcoming anniversary of 9/11?

    A year ago at this time, the Department of Homeland Security was raising the threat level in anticipation of a potential terrorist attack on the anniversary of September 11, 2001. With all of the commotion surrounding the Gulfcoast disaster, it is easy to become complacent about the ongoing terrorist threat. Al-Qaeda would love to strike America again, and they would love to do it on a memorable date. What better date than 9/11?

    Not only that, but Al-Qaeda might interpret America's preoccupation with Katrina relief as a moment of weakness... the perfect time to strike. Combine that with the recent increased level of "chatter" observed by our intelligence communities (higher in fact than at any time since just before 9/11), and you have to ask yourself why aren't we going on alert? You also have to ask yourself, why are we seeing such vitriolic partisan politics being played out in Washington at a time when our country so desperately needs unity, healing and compassion?

    We are angered and insulted when we hear that businesses have used the pain and suffering caused by Katrina to gouge customers. We are saddened and dismayed when we hear of those who would use the misfortune of others for their own economic advantage. Why are we
    then not equally angered, insulted and dismayed by those who would use the suffering caused by Katrina for their own political advantage?

    To those in Washington and elsewhere who would use this disaster and the suffering of Americans for political purposes I say, "Shame on you! A curse be on you and your house for your iniquity and your treachery!"

    September 06, 2005

    President Bush Invites Criticism

    WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President George W. Bush today announced that he would be heading an investigation to find out "what went right and what went wrong" with the response to Hurricane Katrina. Bush said, "We still live in an unsettled world. We want to make sure we can respond properly if there is a WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction) attack, or another major storm." The President continued by saying, "Bureaucracy is not going to stand in the way of getting the job done for the people".

    Mr. Bush stated that this investigation would provide an opportunity to clarify the roles that local, state and federal governments play in emergency response to crisis situations. New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin(D) and Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco(D) had no comment on the President's remarks.

    President Bush further went on to say that he would welcome any criticism of the federal role in the response to Hurricane Katrina at public hearings. However, Mr. Bush qualified his statement by saying that only those who actually responded to the emergency by volunteering, or by performing emergency response services would be allowed to offer criticism. "I think it's only fair", said the President, "that we should get the input from those people who actually DID something. Anyone can sit on their butts, watch TV, and play Monday morning quarterback.... We need input from the people on the ground, from the people who drove trucks, from the people who piloted boats, from the people in the helicopters, from the military, and from the people doing charity work... We need input ONLY from the people who actually have a RIGHT to criticize".

    Liberal Democrats immediately reacted to the President's comments with allegations of discrimination. The ACLU said it would be happy to represent those Liberals whose "right to mud-slinging" had been violated.

    Congress Looking For Idiots

    WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressional leaders today via secret channels contacted Hawkeye® at "View From Above" in an effort to find some idiots to staff top positions in the Bush administration. The contact was made in response to an Associated Press story by Doug Simpson.

    According to the article, Aaron Broussard, president of Louisiana's Jefferson Parish, said on CBS' "The Early Show", that... "Bureaucracy has murdered people in the greater New Orleans area. And bureaucracy needs to stand trial before Congress today." Brousssard then continued, "So I'm asking Congress, please investigate this now. Take whatever idiot they have at the top of whatever agency and give me a better idiot. Give me a caring idiot. Give me a sensitive idiot. Just don't give me the same idiot."

    It's well known in the blogging community that Hawkeye® has been assembling a list of Looney Liberal Idiots at his blog "The View From Above". Once word got out, Congress knew just where to go for an extensive list of high-ranking idiots. "These are the most qualified idiots I've ever seen", said one Congressman who wished to remain anonymous. "We should be able to make Aaron Broussard a very happy man".

    September 05, 2005

    Fond Memories of New Orleans

    NEW ORLEANS, LA -- Having witnessed the devastation to New Orleans on TV over the last week, it brought up pleasant memories of our last trip to the "Big Easy". It was shortly after September 11, 2001 when many tourists cancelled their trips fearing to travel. As a result, we were treated like royalty. We have especially fond memories of the Napoleon House, various Jazz players, Jackson Square and the mimes. We also had fun across the river. Our prayers go out to those who lost so much. Our hope is that the city will come back. By the way, that cute lady in the pictures is Mrs. Hawkeye®.

    Americans Aiding Americans

    Over at the "You Big Mouth, You!" blog, Chuck is doing it again. The same way he kept track of all the donations from stingy Americans for Tsunami relief, he is now tracking donations for Hurricane Katrina relief. As of today, donations amount to $329,784,382 in cash. Chuck is keeping track of the details at a new site called "Americans Aiding Americans". Be sure to check in from time to time.

    Good work Chuck. Thank you for documenting American generosity!

    Louisiana Leadership -- FUBAR

    NEW ORLEANS, LA -- Why didn't New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin(D) use these buses to evacuate New Orleans before Hurricane Katrina struck? Why didn't Louisiana follow it's own Emergency Plan? Why did Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco(D) wait until after George Bush called her, to declare a state of emergency... on Sunday? Why are the Democrats blaming Bush, FEMA and the federal government for alleged failures that really occurred at the state and local level? Why are Democrats saying that the response of the federal government was slow?

    It's all FUBAR... plain and simple. Read the links for more details. Sacred Cow Burgers has a great piece on the story HERE.

    September 02, 2005

    Looney Liberal of the Week: RFK, Jr.

    WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This weeks award goes to Robert F. Kennedy, Junior. This Looney Liberal is an idiot because, writing an article for the Huffington Post on Monday, he managed to find a way to place blame for global warming (and Hurricane Katrina) on the shoulders of Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour and President Bush.

    As Hurricane Katrina dismantles Mississippi’s Gulf Coast, it’s worth recalling the central role that Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour played in derailing the Kyoto Protocol and kiboshing President Bush’s iron-clad campaign promise to regulate CO2.

    The Noonz Wire blog HERE, does a great job of blowing RFK out of the water....

    Apparently, some study supporting the environut worldview came out earlier this month, which sent Kennedy into full-gloat mode:

    Well, the science is clear. This month, a study published in the journal Nature by a renowned MIT climatologist linked the increasing prevalence of destructive hurricanes to human-induced global warming.

    I guess we can all go home now. RFK Jr says the science is clear. One study has settled this once and for all. Global warming causes hurricanes, which, oddly enough, were somehow occurring in nature long before people were arguing about greenhouse gases and the importance of the Toyota Prius.

    RFK Junior is a Looney Liberal Idiot because, despite his statements to the contrary, the science is NOT clear. In fact, if RFK Junior did a bit of research, he would have found out that the number of hurricanes hitting the U.S. have not only decreased in recent years, but the number of MAJOR hurricanes hitting the U.S. has decreased in recent years. To see for yourself, check out the graphs HERE.

    September 01, 2005

    Katrina Prompts Global Support

    GULFCOAST, U.S. -- Hurricane Katrina has sparked a worldwide outpouring of sympathy and emotion including the following...

    The Pope said a prayer.

    The Chinese sent a telegram.

    Islamic terrorists cheered, saying that Katrina was part of the Islamic jihad.

    Venezuela offered $1 million in humanitarian aid and fuel, while at the same time blaming Bush for not being prepared for the tragedy.

    French President Jacques Chirac and German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder sent messages of sympathy.

    Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II sent a message to Bush.

    The U.S. Embassy in Bern, Switzerland -- a capital at the foot of the Alps hit by flooding last week -- said calls were rushing in from Swiss individuals and institutions looking for a way to donate to relief efforts. (Thank You Switzerland).

    The Internet-edition Vienna Daily Der Standard recorded 820 postings commenting on a front-page story about the hurricane. One of the postings sparked a debate about whether a rich country like the United States needed aid.

    Experts in the Netherlands expressed surprise that New Orleans’ flood systems failed to restrain the raging waters.

    German Foreign Minister Joschka Fischer offered assistance to the U.S. government in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, without elaborating on the offer.

    Joern Ehlers, a spokesman for the World Wildlife Fund in Germany, said global warming had increased the intensity of hurricanes, and “The Americans have a big impact on the greenhouse effect,” Ehlers said.... (ie, Katrina was caused by Americans).

    German Green Party Environment Minister Juergen Trittin, argued in an article in the Frankfurter Rundschau newspaper that disasters such as Katrina showed that Bush was ignoring the necessity for a worldwide reduction of greenhouse gases. "The American president closes his eyes in the face of the economic and human damage inflicted on his country and the global economy by natural disasters such as Katrina, caused by neglecting environmental protection," Trittin said.... (ie, "disasters such as Katrina... are caused by the American president... who is neglecting environmental protection.")

    Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz called President Bush to offer assistance. The minister of petroleum and mineral resources said Monday that Saudi Arabia is "ready" to immediately increase its crude oil production to replace any market shortages and help stabilize world crude prices. He did not indicate how soon they would be "ready" to actually start increasing production.

    A spokeswoman for the Canadian Red Cross said "lists of volunteers" experienced in large-scale disasters "were being assembled". Way to go Canada... assemble those lists!