President Bush Invites Criticism

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President George W. Bush today announced that he would be heading an investigation to find out "what went right and what went wrong" with the response to Hurricane Katrina. Bush said, "We still live in an unsettled world. We want to make sure we can respond properly if there is a WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction) attack, or another major storm." The President continued by saying, "Bureaucracy is not going to stand in the way of getting the job done for the people".

Mr. Bush stated that this investigation would provide an opportunity to clarify the roles that local, state and federal governments play in emergency response to crisis situations. New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin(D) and Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco(D) had no comment on the President's remarks.

President Bush further went on to say that he would welcome any criticism of the federal role in the response to Hurricane Katrina at public hearings. However, Mr. Bush qualified his statement by saying that only those who actually responded to the emergency by volunteering, or by performing emergency response services would be allowed to offer criticism. "I think it's only fair", said the President, "that we should get the input from those people who actually DID something. Anyone can sit on their butts, watch TV, and play Monday morning quarterback.... We need input from the people on the ground, from the people who drove trucks, from the people who piloted boats, from the people in the helicopters, from the military, and from the people doing charity work... We need input ONLY from the people who actually have a RIGHT to criticize".

Liberal Democrats immediately reacted to the President's comments with allegations of discrimination. The ACLU said it would be happy to represent those Liberals whose "right to mud-slinging" had been violated.