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Murtha Calls Dem Ethics 'Total Crap'

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- According to several sources, at a meeting of "the Blue Dog Coalition" today, John Murtha (D-PA) called Nancy Pelosi's suggestion of Democrat Ethics, "total crap". The "Blue Dogs" are a coalition of conservative Democrats.

Murtha said, "Even though I think it’s total crap, I’ll vote for it (that is, Democrat Ethics) because that’s what Nancy wants," three sources at the meeting told the "View From Above" reporter-satirist, Hawkeye.

To his credit, Murtha has been accused of abusing his position as ranking member of the Defense Appropriations Subcommittee of the House Appropriations Committee to benefit lobbying clients of his brother. Murtha was also involved in the Abscam investigation 26 years ago, and like a true politician said he was not interested in taking a bribe... "at this point".

In September, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) compiled a list of lawmakers that it designated as the "20 Most Corrupt Members of Congress". Despite the clearly "anti-Republican" nature of CREW's list, Murtha was given a "dishonorable mention" by the group for being "involved in a number of pay-to-play schemes involving former staffers and his brother, Robert 'Kit' Murtha."

CREW went even further to blast Nancy Pelosi for supporting Murtha to be the Majority Leader of the House of Representatives. Nancy should take CREW's advice seriously since Murtha seems to think her ideas are nothing more than "total crap".

Congressional corruption was a major issue for voters in the recent midterm elections, and Pelosi has pledged to "clean-up" the Congress. Her first appropriation bill is slated to provide additional funding for brooms, mops, buckets, sponges and trash bags needed to do the job.

A Democratic lawmaker, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said he was "surprised" by the tone of Murtha’s comments today, especially Murtha’s repeated claim that he would back away from any proposal that Pelosi favored.

According to the lawmaker Murtha said, "My agenda will NOT be Nancy’s agenda". The anonymous lawmaker went on to say, "His (Murtha's) performance was stunningly awful"... a conclusion similar to that which many Murtha observers have arrived over recent months.

Dems Blame GOP for Election Victory

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In what appears to have been an instinctive "knee-jerk" reaction, Democratic leaders today blamed the Republicans for their recent success at the polls on Tuesday. Still in a state of shock over their political victory, they seemed confused and apparently responded to the news using their standard formula of the past 6 years: "If it's bad news, BLAME BUSH. If it's good news, then look for a cloud behind the silver lining and... BLAME BUSH".

Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), the presumptive Speaker of the House, said it was clear where the fault lies for this unexpected Democratic victory. "The President and this administration must take responsibility for our success", she said. "It was Karl Rove and the Republican-controlled Congress that caused this disaster", she continued. "We cannot let this outrage stand. Therefore, one of my goals as Speaker will be to initiate hearings into why the President allowed Democrats to win control of the Congress."

Charles Rangel (D-NY) declared that the Democratic victory was a "mandate" to roll back the President's tax cuts, increase the minimum wage, reverse the rise of the stock market, raise the unemployment rolls, tax the oil companies, increase the price of crude oil and gasoline, raise the inflation rate, force drug companies to sell their products at a loss, and generally wreak havoc on the economy.

John Murtha (D-PA) said that he believed the Democratic victory was a "mandate" to immediately redeploy all U.S. forces from Iraq and Afghanistan to Okinawa. "That's where the REAL war on terror is happening", said Murtha. According to Murtha, the troops based in Okinawa could act as a "rapid response force" to situations which might flare up in Iraq. "Why heck", said Murtha, "It's only about 5,000 miles from Okinawa to Baghdad 'as the crow flies'..."

Charles "Schmuckie" Schumer (D-NY) said he intended to launch an investigation to find out why Bush allowed the Republicans to lose so many seats in the House and Senate. "One can only surmise", said Schumer, "that the President manipulated the elections in order to force Democrats into revealing our secret plans for Iraq, the War On Terror, and the economy... Plans which we all know are too important for the general public to know about."