Dems Blame GOP for Election Victory

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In what appears to have been an instinctive "knee-jerk" reaction, Democratic leaders today blamed the Republicans for their recent success at the polls on Tuesday. Still in a state of shock over their political victory, they seemed confused and apparently responded to the news using their standard formula of the past 6 years: "If it's bad news, BLAME BUSH. If it's good news, then look for a cloud behind the silver lining and... BLAME BUSH".

Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), the presumptive Speaker of the House, said it was clear where the fault lies for this unexpected Democratic victory. "The President and this administration must take responsibility for our success", she said. "It was Karl Rove and the Republican-controlled Congress that caused this disaster", she continued. "We cannot let this outrage stand. Therefore, one of my goals as Speaker will be to initiate hearings into why the President allowed Democrats to win control of the Congress."

Charles Rangel (D-NY) declared that the Democratic victory was a "mandate" to roll back the President's tax cuts, increase the minimum wage, reverse the rise of the stock market, raise the unemployment rolls, tax the oil companies, increase the price of crude oil and gasoline, raise the inflation rate, force drug companies to sell their products at a loss, and generally wreak havoc on the economy.

John Murtha (D-PA) said that he believed the Democratic victory was a "mandate" to immediately redeploy all U.S. forces from Iraq and Afghanistan to Okinawa. "That's where the REAL war on terror is happening", said Murtha. According to Murtha, the troops based in Okinawa could act as a "rapid response force" to situations which might flare up in Iraq. "Why heck", said Murtha, "It's only about 5,000 miles from Okinawa to Baghdad 'as the crow flies'..."

Charles "Schmuckie" Schumer (D-NY) said he intended to launch an investigation to find out why Bush allowed the Republicans to lose so many seats in the House and Senate. "One can only surmise", said Schumer, "that the President manipulated the elections in order to force Democrats into revealing our secret plans for Iraq, the War On Terror, and the economy... Plans which we all know are too important for the general public to know about."