Inspector Obama Is On The Case

WASHINGTON D.C. — President Barack Obama, responding to the explosions at the Boston Marathon, says the United States does not know "who did this or why" but vowed that whoever is responsible "will feel the full weight of justice." He said: "We will find out who did this and we will hold them accountable."

President Obama cited his past successes in "finding and holding people accountable"... Like the time when he got 9/11 mastermind Osama bin Laden.  The President went into great detail about how he rapelled down that rope from the helicopter, personally led Seal Team 6 into the Abbottabad compound, and took out bin Laden with his trusty 5 iron. (His caddy had suggested a 6 iron, but Barack felt he needed just a bit more power behind his swing.)

Obama also cited other examples... Like when he brought to justice those who committed the Benghazi attacks, which resulted in the deaths of four American citizens including U.S. Ambassador Chris Stevens. Like when he revealed those who perpetrated "Fast and Furious", that resulted in the deaths of 300 Mexicans and at least one U.S. citizen. Like the time he exposed those who posted a fraudulent copy of his birth certificate on the official White House web site. Like the time he unmasked those who created a fraudulent Selective Service registration card for him. Like the awe-inspiring capture of those corrupt officials in Connecticut who supplied him with a Social Security number that was previously used by a dead person, and won't even pass an E-Verify test. "That was one of my favorites", said Obama.

And who could forget the time when Obama brought Nidal Hasan to justice for killing 13 Americans at Fort Hood? And how he made sure that Hasan remains incarcerated, continues to receive paychecks, and makes sure that Hasan's medical expenses are paid for by the military.

We should all rest more assured now that Obama is going to get to the bottom of this situation in Boston.