Daily Wisdom

March 03, 2006

From Daily To Annual

Hollywood, CA -- Jon Stewart, host of "The Daily Show" will be moving from his daily appearances to his first annual show... the Academy Awards. We're not sure if there if there will be a 'second' annual appearance, but... who knows.

Some have said that Jon Stewart's off-beat political humor is not the kind that typical Oscar night viewers look for, and predict a disaster in the making. Others say that Stewart is held in high esteem among a younger viewing audience, and it is that audience they are hoping to attract to the Academy Awards presentations.

Rumor has it that Stewart will be pulling out all the stops for this show, and no gimmick will be left unused. According to unnamed sources, Stewart will be bringing back Michael Moore in an effort to offend as many Conservative viewers as possible. It has been overheard that he may bring in Janet Jackson for a well-timed "wardrobe malfunction". Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg and Steve Martin are expected to make cameo appearances. Several shorts will be played of Charlie Chaplain, Buster Keaton and The Marx Brothers. Bill Clinton will play saxophone and not inhale. The Rolling Stones will do a short gig during which one is expected to die of old age. Oscar winners who exceed their allotted speaking time will have their heads cut off by Abu Musab al-Zarqawi who's been flown in from Iraq just for the occasion. John Lennon and George Harrison will be resurrected from the dead so that the Beatles can make one last appearance. And gay cowboy jokes are expected in abundance as "Brokeback Mountain" prances off with all the awards (Oh, what a 'sweet' thought!).

12 Comments:

At 3/04/2006 7:52 AM , Blogger Beerme said...

Oh, the youth of today...
They have the greatest opportunities, the most wealth, the most freedom and the overwhelming resources of the modern world and the information age, and yet they are the dumbest, most ill-informed, most sophomoric in their tastes and the least humorous generation in recent memory.

Oh, and they seem to think Jon Stewart is not only funny but smart, too!

Cute.

 
At 3/04/2006 8:19 AM , Blogger Maggie said...

You forgot to mention the 'hog calling'contest between Hillary(the shrillary)Clinton and Howard(the screamer) Dean

 
At 3/04/2006 11:11 AM , Blogger Hawkeye® said...

Beerme,
Yes, Youth is wasted on the young, eh?

Maggie,
Reminds me of a joke.... Bill Clinton gets off his helocopter with a hog under each arm. The marine salutes and looks inquisitive. Bill says, "I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine says... "Good trade, sir!"

 
At 3/04/2006 11:28 AM , Anonymous CalGirl said...

Of COURSE they're gonna use every stupid gimmick they have...that's all the left has in their quiver, if you know what I mean. No substance at all.

I won't watch, but I never do. I think the only film that I have seen that is up for an award is Lion, the witch, and the wardrobe and I don't need anyone to tell me that film was good...both my own viewings of it and the number of children who enjoyed are proof enough for me.

 
At 3/04/2006 4:26 PM , Blogger Hawkeye® said...

Calgirl,
Yeah, I don't usually watch either. Too much self-absorption. And when Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" got nothing, and Michael Moore's schlockumentary did.... well, I was just livid!

 
At 3/04/2006 7:20 PM , Blogger Barb said...

That would really be a television first ,to see one of the Rolling Stones stop gathering moss, right before our eyes. Hmmmm, How would you be able to tell?

 
At 3/04/2006 7:24 PM , Blogger Barb said...

Beerme ,don't forget a goodly number of the youth of today are over in Iraq and Afganistan serving this country .Heroes who probably won't be watching the Oscar show.

 
At 3/05/2006 10:18 AM , Blogger Hawkeye® said...

Barb,
RE: your first comment -- I guess the music would get a little quieter.

RE: the second -- Amen. Let's say a prayer for their safety.

 
At 3/05/2006 4:33 PM , Blogger MargeinMI said...

I'd personally enjoy watching Bill play the sax without inhaling, provided of course, it was an extremely loooooooong song. He'd give whole new meaning to 'blown away.' Mwahahaha {evil laugh}

 
At 3/05/2006 4:35 PM , Blogger MargeinMI said...

Oh, and what are the odds on one of the Stones finally gathering moss? When was Keith's last transfusion, and has Mick had his knees and hips replaced yet? Bettin' minds need information!

 
At 3/05/2006 6:39 PM , Blogger camojack said...

From daily to annual is still too often.

I never watch any awards shows, anyway...

 
At 3/05/2006 9:20 PM , Blogger Pat'sRick© said...

So, let me get this right.
The viewers of movies don't get to choose the Ocar winners. Box office doesn't count. What is important is the opinion of the Academy. And what do they do that makes their opinion important?
That's what I thought.
And their definition of a good movie is ...
Yeah.

 

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