AT&T Sued For Lack of Terrorism

SAN JOSE, CA -- AT&T, Inc. was sued on Tuesday for its alleged role in helping to eliminate terrorist attacks on the United States. The deadly frivolous lawsuit was filed in U.S. District Court in San Francisco on behalf of Osama bin Laden, Ayman al-Zawahiri, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, et al, by a little known group called Leaders In Bovine Stools (sometimes referred to as Leaders In BS). The group, which represents manufacturers of small 3-legged chairs used for milking cows, claims in the suit that AT&T assisted in the NSA terrorist surveillance program which spied on hundreds of cows since the attacks of 9/11. They claim that the methods of surveillance employed by the NSA have not only reduced the number of terrorist attacks on the U.S., but may lead to an outbreak of Mad Cow Disease.

An unnamed spokesman for L.I.B.S. said, "The NSA surveillance program is denying Americans their right to be attacked by terrorists. Although we don't know the full details of the program yet, we are quite confident that a lawsuit like this will expose plenty of classified information during the discovery period."

"People in America want the 'right to choose' whether or not to be attacked", he went on. "Not only that, but people are getting scared about this Mad Cow thing." Rumors around the beltway suggest that Hillary Clinton may already be feeling the effects of this malady.

Howard Dean, chairman of the DNC has filed an Amicus Brief on behalf of the plaintiffs.