Kerry Speaks Out

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator John F. Kerry, who almost did not lose the Presidential election in 2004, spoke out on Sunday, labeling the Bush administration as 'incompetent'. Kerry's remarks came in response to a speech last week by Karl Rove, in which Rove told Republican strategists that they should repeat the message that Democrats are weak on terror in the lead-up to the 2006 elections.

Mr. Kerry responded to Rove's comments by saying that the Bush administration was 'incompetent' in the way it handled Hurricane Katrina. When asked how his statement in any way addressed whether or not Democrats are weak on terror, Kerry said, "I'm not worried in the least, and I welcome the debate. I want to have that debate, and I want to have that debate every single day."

Somewhat confused, the interviewer then asked Kerry if he felt that Democratic opposition to the NSA wiretapping program suggested Democrats are weak on terror. Kerry replied, "We're prepared to eavesdrop wherever and whenever necessary in order to make America safer... In fact, I have no problem with warrantless searches when Democrats are in the White House, I'm only against it when Republicans do it."

When asked if that approach might cause some to label Kerry a "flip-flopper", he responded by saying, "That's another one of their 'Swift Boat'-style tactics where they try to throw up the mud and stick it." Kerry then called for a special counsel to investigate Republicans, calling the issue "really typical of the way they've been managing this city".

Again confused, the interviewer then asked what John Kerry's plan would be in the war on terror. "Osama bin Laden is going to die of kidney failure," said Kerry, "and then we'll get our buddies in France to help out... After all, this is a Global War on Terror".