Rove Admits Plame & Wilson Guilty

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Karl Rove, President Bush's most trusted strategist, admitted for the first time today that Valerie Plame, an undercover CIA operative, and her husband Joseph Wilson, a former ambassador, are guilty of a number of crimes and misdemeanors.

Here is the list of their crimes and misdemeanors:

1) Joe Wilson, an outspoken critic of the Bush administration, submitted a false and fraudulent report to the CIA in 2002 (which contradicted President Bush's assertions that Saddam Hussein was trying to buy yellow cake uranium from the country of Niger).

2) Valerie Plame, a known critic of the Bush administration, authorized her husband to take a trip to the country of Niger in 2002 on behalf of the CIA at taxpayer expense, in order for her husband to file a false and fraudulent report to the CIA in an attempt to discredit the Bush administration.

3) Joe Wilson accepted government money from the CIA in order to make a trip for the purpose of filing a false and fraudulent report with the intention of misleading the CIA and the citizens of the United States.

4) Valerie Plame committed treason during a time of war by using government money and her government position in an attempt to impede the prosecution of the War on Terror.

5) Valerie Plame failed to notify Karl Rove and other administration officials that she was an undercover CIA operative, thereby risking the unintentional release of her name to the public.

6) Joe Wilson contradicted an intelligence report submitted to the U.S. Government by a member of the British Intelligence Service, specifically one Bond... James Bond.

7) Valerie Plame does not have the same last name as her husband, thereby causing great confusion among journalists and TV viewers alike.

Karl Rove apologized for trying to keep these things secret for so long, and said it would never happen again.