NARAL Opposes Roberts Nomination

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- NARAL announced its opposition to John Roberts, President Bush's nominee for the Supreme Court, even before Bush formally made his selection public in a prime time TV White House appearance on Tuesday. A spokesman for NARAL (the National Abortion Rights Action League) told reporters, "It's never too early to register your complaints against those who would restrict our right to randomly murder innocent, defenseless American citizens."

The group said it was planning an "emergency demonstration" against the nomination of Roberts across the street from the Capitol Building at midday today. "Our major gripe", said the NARAL spokesman, "is that Roberts was not aborted along with dozens of other potential conservative Republicans years ago. We advocate the Planned Parenthood model, which rejects abortion ONLY in the event that it can be conclusively shown that the 'proto-human' will grow up to be a Liberal Democrat."

"Isn't that kind of forecasting a bit tricky?", asked one reporter. "Of course", said the spokesman. "That's why we would rather err on the side of caution by killing millions of potential Liberal Democrats just to prevent the birth of one or two conservative Republicans".

In related news, the Fetal-Rights Emergency Action Koalition of Utah (FREAK-U), is holding its own demonstation. Their slogan is "No Devastation Without Representation!"

Margaret Sanger could not be reached for comment.