Daily Wisdom

July 14, 2005

Kennedy Explodes on Senate Floor

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Edward M. "Teddy" Kennedy (D-MA), exploded today in a ball of fire on the floor of the United States Senate. According to eye-witnesses, Kennedy was in the midst of a fiery diatribe spouting incendiary remarks when his sleeve accidentally caught on fire. "Before anyone could do anything, he exploded into a ball of flame", said one onlooker. "People were thrown backwards by the force of the blast!"

D.C. firefighters arrived only minutes later, but it was too late to rescue Kennedy. They fought the blaze for hours before bringing it under control. "That was a major grease fire", said one of the firefighters. "At first we put water on the fire but the burning fat just floated and made things worse".

Investigators have ruled out any acts of terrorism. Instead, they are calling it a reckless accident. "Anyone who plays with fire around a 300-pound mixture of fat and alcohol is just looking for trouble", said one fire official. "It's just too bad he caused so much damage to the Senate Chamber."


At 7/14/2005 9:30 AM , Anonymous Maggie said...

Too bad ther wasn't a lake nearby.He certainly would have made it out alive.

At 7/14/2005 9:34 AM , Blogger Hawkeye® said...

I don't know about that. Fat floats, but burning fat just keeps burning!

At 7/14/2005 2:47 PM , Blogger Kajun said...


Not necessarily. There might just have been "a lake that burneth with fire" in the aftermath.

At 7/14/2005 6:45 PM , Anonymous Maggie said...

Kajun.....so true,so sad.

At 7/14/2005 8:50 PM , Blogger Pat'sRick© said...

It's too bad he caused so much damage in the Senate chamber
And that was before he exploded.

At 7/14/2005 9:00 PM , Blogger Hawkeye® said...

I'm glad somebody picked up on that! I was hoping it wouldn't go by undetected. Thanks for your clever insight.

At 7/14/2005 9:13 PM , Blogger Ron said...

you conservative fucks have got no clue. kennedy is one of the few senetors that actually cares about YOU and this country not just pushing his own narrow minded agenda.

At 7/14/2005 9:22 PM , Blogger Hawkeye® said...

Please don't use vulgar language or I will be forced to delete your posts. I'm sorry to disagree with you but I think Kennedy is only out for political power... always was, always will be.

At 7/14/2005 9:44 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Ron and why do you conservatives hate "vulgar" language. Is it because you smile while sticking your knife into other peoples backs?

At 7/14/2005 10:22 PM , Blogger camojack said...

Try to remember that; "kennedy is one of the few senetors that actually cares about YOU and this country". Oh, and possibly not being prosecuted for his indiscretions.
(Mary Jo Kopechne could not be reached for comment)

As someone I know once said, they didn't shoot enough Kennedys.

PS: Go 'head, delete the offensive punk...

At 7/15/2005 6:12 AM , Anonymous onlineanalyst said...

I hope that the EPA was on top of this oil spill outrage.


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