Supreme Court Split on Ten Commandments

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In two separate rulings today by the U.S. Supreme Court on the subject of Ten Commandments displays, justices appeared to be self-contradictory in their rulings. In both cases the rulings were 5-4, with Sandra Day O'Connor being the swing voter, voting first FOR a display of the Ten Commandments, and then AGAINST. "I learned that trick from John Kerry", said Justice O'Connor. "It's easy to show ambivalence. First vote FOR something, and then AGAINST it. It makes others around you feel that you are nuanced".

Asked to explain her different rulings, O'Connor said that it was important to address the needs of both the Red States and the Blue States. "For people living in Red States, their Judeo-Christian heritage is very important and should be respected. In Blue States however, not only is religion secondary, but people there are more likely to be other than your stereo-typical Judeo-Christian", said O'Connor. "I mean, according to some religions, theft and murder are even condoned", she went on. "We don't want to suggest religious bigotry in our courts under those circumstances, now do we?"

President Bush is actively reviewing potential candidates to replace Justice O'Connor who was last seen leaving the Supreme Court building in an ambulance wearing a fashionable white jacket without cuffs.