Kofi Annan Plans Suck-Up Weekend

New York, NY -- Upon hearing the news that the U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill that would cut U.N. funding by 50%, Kofi Annan -- Secretary General of the U.N. -- has decided that a good "suck-up" weekend is probably in order. The House voted 221-184 for a bill that would withhold one half of assessed U.S. dues, currently around $440 million a year, if the U.N. doesn't achieve nearly 50 steps to improve its accountability and to root out corruption.


Reminiscent of his college days, Kofi Annan learned early that when your parents threaten to cut off your allowance because of bad grades, it's always a good idea to go home and suck-up a bit in order to smooth things over. Kofi plans to call on members of the House this weekend for some intimate meetings where he will generally provide several lame excuses for his failures to-date, admit his shortcomings, reassert his desire to succeed, renounce the folly of his hedonism, and tell the U.S. officials how important they are to him and to the United Nations.

Most House members -- who are known for their gullibility -- are expected to fall for this ruse. After all, it's Kofi's first offense, and he has such a pleasant personality. C'mon, let's give him a break!