Kennedy Says Rumsfeld Caused Quagmire in Senate

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At a hearing today in the Senate, Donald Rumsfeld (Secretary of Defense) along with a number of high-ranking generals, described the situation in the Senate as "encouraging" and "far from hopeless".

Senator Edward M. Kennedy (who is a man) immediately suggested that the Senate was in a "quagmire" which happened on Rumsfeld's watch, and questioned whether or not Rumsfeld should resign. "In baseball, it's three strikes, you're out. What is it for the Secretary of Defense?" Kennedy asked Rumsfeld. "Isn't it time for you to resign?" Rumsfeld said he'd offered his resignation to President Bush twice, and the President had said no.

Donald Rumsfeld, in a give-and-take session, told the Senate that Iraq was looking pretty good. "There are positive signs in Iraq of people taking democracy into their own hands. Iraqi police and defense forces are fighting and dying for their country. More Iraqis are volunteering everyday to defend their nation", said Rumsfeld.

"The Senate, however, is looking pretty grim", he continued. "If you want to see a quagmire, just look at the Democrats in the Senate. They are doing everything they can to obstruct progress that would benefit the American people. They (the Democrats) have started a filibuster on the Bolton nomination to the United Nations. They (the Democrats) have sought to stall any progress on Social Security reform. They (the Democrats) have sought to undermine the war on terrorism by providing our enemies with anti-American propoganda. They (the Democrats) have compared the treatment of detainees at Guantanamo Bay to that of holocaust victims by the Nazis, or to that of Russian dissidents in Soviet gulags, or to that of the victims of the killing fields by Pol Pot."

Rumsfeld continued, "If you want a quagmire, look no further than the Democrats in the Senate. However", he went on, "reforms are possible, which might actually transform the Senate into a real working body."