Gulag of the Year Award

GUANTANAMO BAY, Cuba -- American military leaders at the Guantanamo Bay detention center (Gitmo) were surprised to learn today that they have been awarded the prestigious "Gulag of the Year" Award. The award is presented annually by J.D. Power and Associates™. Established in 1968, J.D. Power and Associates™ is a global marketing information firm that conducts independent and unbiased surveys of customer satisfaction.

"According to the data released in a report on Friday by the Pentagon, the statistics clearly show that Gitmo is the gulag of choice with the highest satisfaction rating among inmates anywhere", said an unnamed representative from J.D. Power.

Charles Krauthammer, nationally syndicated columnist for The Washington Post Writers Group, also rated the detention center. In an article dated yesterday, he rates criminal behavior by Gitmo guards as very low indeed... "On the scale of human crimes, where, say, 10 is the killing of 2,973 innocent people in one day and 0 is jaywalking, this ranks as perhaps a 0.01." Editor's Note: A perfect score would have been 0.0, but they missed it by... that much (holding up thumb and forefinger separated by less than 1").