Daily Wisdom

June 26, 2005

Bush To Clean Up Guantanamo

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President George W. Bush today announced plans to "clean up" Camp X-Ray, the detention center for Islamic terrorists at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Often referred to as "Gitmo", the detention center at Guantanamo has become the weapon of choice for liberals on Capitol Hill and in the Mainstream Media (MSM). This Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy (VLWC) has relentlessly attacked the Bush administration, the Pentagon, and the military personnel who run Camp X-Ray with false claims of murder and torture. The VLWC has even compared Gitmo to Nazi concentration camps, Stalinist gulags, and the killing fields of Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge.

According to Bush, the government is planning to spend upwards of $27 million to renovate the facility at Gitmo. Hotel planners from Sheraton and Hilton are now in talks with the Pentagon outlining future amenities for the detention center. "We have suggested brightly colored pastel wallpapers based on a Caribbean theme, complete with a full entertainment center, Internet access, mini-bar, unlimited long distance calls, and Free-For-View movie selection in every cell", said one of the hotel planners. "Each cell will have it's own balcony with a wonderful view of the beach below. The beach itself will be provided with free cabana and towel service."

"Let's face it", said President Bush. "This will not be a true 4-star hotel. But at least it will be one step up from what detainees have now. I think this upgrade will help us to win hearts and minds on the Arab street".


At 6/26/2005 12:55 PM , Anonymous blogmaniac said...

Maybe they should just move all the detainees to Aruba. They already have the hotels built, people on staff, etc. And I hear that vacancies in Aruba are down. Could be a windfall for the government!

At 6/26/2005 7:07 PM , Blogger Kajun said...

Even as we speak, a fleet of Servicemaster™ vans are being loaded aboard ship at an undisclosed location in Florida, for the short trip to Gitmo.

"A reprehensibale condition exists at Gitmo...the carpet in the cells has not been cleaned in over a month!" said the dusty white-gloved butler who met us at the door of Gitmo prison.

At 6/26/2005 7:15 PM , Blogger mig said...

Why wait for your rewards from the credit card company? It's an all inclusive vacation. Work for MSCNNYT and get a free pass...

At 6/26/2005 7:15 PM , Blogger Kajun said...

"The VLWC has even compared Gitmo to Nazi concentration camps, Stalinist gulags, and the killing fields of Pol Pot and Baton Rouge."

I thought they caught that serial killer at Baton Rouge.

At 6/26/2005 10:20 PM , Blogger Pat'sRick© said...

Indeed it was a quagmire of biblical proportions before the annointed lawmakers decided to attend actual interrogations. Not what they expected, so obviously "it shows we have made some progress". OK, fine.

At 6/27/2005 1:44 AM , Anonymous PanamaRed said...

Hoolywood has discovered the delights that Git'mo has to offer, sun surf, haute cuisine, incredible security to keep the nasty paparazzi away.

Instead of Martha's Vineyard, Ted Kennedy and the clan may just summer there for the same reasons. In fact, this is probably going to make the 'gummint' a nice piece of pocket change. Next, Bikini Atoll? The sky's the limit thanks to the SCOTUS and it's ruling on eminent domain.

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