Daily Wisdom

May 04, 2005

Investors Eye New Opportunities

NEW YORK, NY -- On Wall Street today, investors began to talk about the possibities for upward movement of stocks in a number of key industry segments. Included among the potential growth areas are manufacturers of facial tissues, anti-depression drugs and distributors of alcoholic beverages.

Analysts cite the growing number of depressed liberals as the reason for their stock picks. "More and more liberals are crying in their beer, looking to
support groups, and popping pills to counteract the effects of growing popularity of conservative values", said one unnamed psychologist. "The recent elections were very discouraging. The polls are not favorable. Liberal icons like Dan Rather and Bill Moyers have run into trouble.... and there is not much hope on the horizon."

A number of stocks in these industries went up in after-hours trading.

10 Comments:

At 5/04/2005 5:57 PM , Anonymous warren buffet said...

I'll have to look into that.

 
At 5/04/2005 8:42 PM , Blogger camojack said...

I hope the stock market improves soon; my 401K has been "treading water" for months...

 
At 5/04/2005 10:39 PM , Anonymous Hawkeye® said...

I know whatcha mean. I might want to retire someday, and the longer that 401K flounders, the longer I have to work. In the words of Fred Flinstone...

Racka, Fracka, Sacka...!

 
At 5/05/2005 1:37 AM , Blogger camojack said...

I'm retiring no later than age 58, regardless...

 
At 5/05/2005 2:25 AM , Anonymous kajun said...

I retired at 59 but had to wait 6 months before I could begin to collect the vast fortune my I R A had accumulated [without substantial penalty for early withdrawl].

 
At 5/05/2005 12:55 PM , Blogger Hawkeye® said...

I just got a new job, so it looks like I'll be working 'til age 58 at the very least, and probably a lot longer.... sigh!

 
At 5/05/2005 4:27 PM , Anonymous Fashion Industry Council said...

The color blue should be all the rage on both coasts for nearly four more years.

 
At 5/05/2005 5:21 PM , Blogger MargeinMI said...

Well, drugs ARE the answer, and if that doesn't work, add alcohol;~)

Seriously, I've been taking a little mid-life retirement and living off my 401K for a while now. The tax penalty isn't too bad 10% for early withdrawal, and then the rest is taxed as income. As long as I keep my lifestyle simple, I break pretty even taxwise.

It's worth the tradeoff to me, and it IS my money. I figure I'm taking out a loan at 10% that I don't have to pay back. If the market picks up some (pleeeeeeease), then it's not bad.

Personal accounts instead of social (in)security? You Betcha!

 
At 5/06/2005 1:35 AM , Blogger Kajun said...

I don't see what the problem is with Social Security...no money ever changes hands.

The old folks get the SS check, go to the casino, and give it to them.

The casino gives the money to the State Treasurer.

The State Treasurer gives it to the Mayor who gives it to the Homeless, who give it to the Package Store.

The Package Store sends it to the IRS who put it back in the treasury.

 
At 5/07/2005 8:23 PM , Blogger Beerme said...

"More and more liberals are crying in their beer..."

Liberals drink zinfandel, not beer.

 

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