Check and Checkmate

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) today delivered a flaming diatribe on the floor of the Senate demanding that the Minority Democrats be allowed to run the Senate by ignoring the elections of 2004. "We know that most people think elections are held to decide who runs things in Washington and throughout the country", said Reid, "but those are old concepts. Today, it's the Democrats who run things, regardless of elections".

Reid's rantings seemed somehow familiar as he began to pound the podium and interspersed his comments with the occasional "Sieg Heil!". Reid's demagogic performance comes in the face of Republican threats to end the ability of Democrats to filibuster President Bush's judicial nominees.

"The Senate is not a rubber stamp for the executive branch," Reid said. "Rather, we're the one institution where the minority has... the ability to check the power of the majority. Today, in the face of President Bush's power grab, that's more important than ever." Reid went on to say, "If Republicans roll back our rights in this chamber, there will be no check on their power".

President Bush is apparently taking Reid's remarks seriously and intends to offer an apology to Democrats in his weekly radio address next Saturday. An unnamed Whitehouse spokesman leaked an early draft of the message in which Bush is expected to say the following:

"I want to take this opportunity to speak directly to Democrats. I'm sorry that I 'grabbed power' by winning the election of 2004. I'm sorry that the Republicans increased their majority in both the House and the Senate. I'm sorry that the American people have spoken so clearly. I'm sorry that they want us to run the government and not you. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. I'm sorry that you are sore losers. Please just get over it. Checkmate. Thank you and God Bless America."