U.N. Asks Republicans to Leave D.C.

NEW YORK, NY -- Feeling flush with victory after the recent efforts to pressure the Syrians to leave Lebanon, Kofi Annan (D-UN) today asked Republicans to leave Washington, D.C. Citing similarities to the situation in Lebanon, the U.N. Secretary-General said that "there is an occupying force in the U.S. capitol, which is unduly exerting it's influence on the American people".

Annan went on to say that, "The people of America love democracy... and as such, they are democrats. Clearly, the Republicans are not Democrats, and they must be opposed". Senator John F. Kerry (D-MA), a well-known supporter of the international body, lauded the remarks by Kofi Annan. "We have to pass a global test, and only the Democrats have the proper cheat-sheet needed to pass that test", said Kerry. "The Republicans don't know how to cheat as well as we do, so we can't trust them to pass the test".

At the same time Kerry was making his remarks in the Senate chambers, a demonstration of Anti-Republicans was going on outside. In a fashion reminiscent of Lebanese anti-Syrian demonstrations, the Democratic crowd began waving their national flags which portray a donkey on a yellow background, and chanting slogans like... "Go home Republicans! Go back to your red states! Keep your Social Security! I want my children to retire with nothing!"

When asked for his comments, President George Bush (R-TX) said, "This is a free country and those who disagree have a right to speak their mind. No one ever said a mob mentality could pass an IQ test. We will prevail in Afghanistan, in Iraq, and right here in Washington, D.C.... Next question?"