Speaker Declares Congress Ethics-Free Zone

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert (R-IL), today declared the Congress an Ethics-Free Zone. Democrats on the House Ethics Committee have prevented the committee from conducting any business for several weeks now in retaliation against the ethics rules changes that were pushed through by Republicans earlier this year.

"I'm willing to step back", Hastert said today, clearly frustrated. "The Democrats obviously don't want ethics, and they don't want to do anything when they come here to work on the Ethics Committee. They just want to sit around and accuse Republicans of not having any ethics". With the veins on his neck starting to bulge, Hastert continued, "Fine, if that's how they want it, then great... starting now, no ethics allowed!"

Talk show hosts and pundits on both the left and right began frantically trying to determine what impact this decision might have on activities within the Beltway.