Here's Lookin' At You Kid

HANOVER, NH -- A Dartmouth University study, published in a recent issue of Psychological Science, has determined that eye contact between individuals provides immediate, non-verbal clues as to how attractive a person may be. The study found that in the first few seconds of a meeting, impressions of a person are developed based on a number of eye contact criteria including, immediacy, duration, and head movements (either toward or away from an individual).

The study also learned that facial expressions play a key role in our impressions of others. For example, a furrowed brow can indicate anger. One raised eyebrow can suggest inquisitiveness. Two raised eyebrows indicates surprise. Three raised eyebrows indicates that the species may not be human.

Upon hearing of the study findings, Democratic strategists immediately began investigating the source of its funding. It is anticipated that allegations will surface that it was funded through a government grant. The anti-Bush league is expected to attack the Administration by citing this study as another example of wasted taxpayer dollars.