Bolton Vote Delayed By New Pope

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It had been expected that the Senate Foreign Relations Committee would vote today to approve John R. Bolton as U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations. In a surprise move however, Ohio Republican Sen. George Voinovich finally spoke for the first time during the proceedings and said... "I don't feel comfortable voting today".

At first it was assumed by most on-lookers that Voinovich's discomfort may have been caused by Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), or some other equally disgusting personal affliction. It was soon learned however, that he was referring to the fact that a new Pope had just been elected in Rome. "Remember when Charles and Camilla postponed their wedding the day John Paul II had his funeral?", asked Voinovich. "I think we should likewise take some time to mourn the election of a new Pope... especially one from Germany."

Senator Richard Lugar (R-IN) did not agree with Voinovich's sentiment, and tried to move the proceedings along to a vote. "Shocking", declared Senator John F. Kerry (D-MA). "We cannot vote on a day as momentous as this. We need to take some time and offer our respects to the new German Shepard."