Egeland: European Aid To America 'Stingy'

NEW YORK, NY -- Jan Egeland, the U.N. emergency relief coordinator and former head of the Norwegian Red Cross, did not single out any European country specifically when he remarked today that "We were more generous when we were less rich... And it is beyond me why we Europeans are so stingy, really... America needs our help now in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, and we Europeans have given less than 0.001% of our national GDPs to help them."

President George W. Bush said, "Let's face it... this is no tsunami. We're tough... we're Americans... we can handle it. America will deal with this catastrophe."

Nevertheless, the silence of wealthy European nations to assist America during her time of need is deafening. Not one message of condolence from Europe has been reported. Not one offer of assistance from Europe has been received.

"The U.S. doesn't need any help from us", said one European diplomat who wished to remain anonymous. "They're much richer than we are. In fact, those f***ing rednecks owe aid to us! They've been holding out on us! I don't feel sorry for those rich American b*****ds. Screw America!"

Kofi Annan could not be reached for comment, but aides suggest that he is happy that the Oil-For-Food scandal has been momentarily put on the back burner.